How do you survive your challenging path?

[symbolist_artist]

Hello everyone! I'm not sure where or how to start... I am interested to know how others have survived their path. It seems to me that some of us have taken on a lot, maybe even more than we could chew. I don't know if anyone here feels that way, but if you do I'd be glad to share. From having been a cheerful and optimistic person I have gradually started to feel more desillusioned about the changes I can help provide. My life has always been difficult but I figured I could help the world by being an example. Thus I had, of course, to be a success in the end. Someone who conquered so many adversities and would show other, normal human beings that it's possible. Yet now I'm wavering... the past ten years have been extremely exhausting. With my condition on top of it, I feel that my efforts are in vain. I am also wondering if my initiatl intentions hold fast in a wold that is changing - I listen to lightworkers and their optimism, and feel that maybe my help is no longer required. Since we're talking about physical items such as an endless amount of journals, 300 tightly written pages on the computer and all my artwork, it's not something I can easily dismiss and start on something new. I have lost motivation, that zeal that was driving me... now all I want is a little bit of comfort and happiness for a change. At least something that would spark my inspiration anew! I feel almost as if I'm dying, although in many ways my perception and sensitivity has been heightened throughout the rough emotional times of the past years. I have premonitions, and one was that dipping into the emotional sphere would be pretty much like visiting hell. I haven't slep without medication since (that's exactly ten years). I think, but cannot prove, that I have chosen not to deal with the spheres but be as if I am one of the other members of the human species, because if I seemed different I wouldn't be able to make the point that I intend to make. On the other hand this disconnection from something deeper and more meaningful is slowly killing me. Can anybody share thoughts on this or similar matters? Thank you dear mates (if you visit my profile there will be more information about who I think I am).

[Mai'ani Silverstar]

I do know how you feel. My path isn't easy-- I've always been a minority, even among my own kind. And THAT is a tough pill to swallow! But even with that, I have to be who I am, and if it means that I have to take all the lumps that go with it, so be it. I also know the emptiness u speak of, I have been there myself the last couple of years now. I brought myself and my son 1800 miles across the country to persue my path, and while we are thriving here, there has been no headway at all toward my goal. Not a good feeling. But, we will survive, we always do. Hang in there, things always change, sooner or later.

[symbolist_artist]

Thanks, good to know I'm not the only one who is hanging in the air right now and feeling empty... I know some are but they are all lightworkers and so I don't identify that well with them a lot of the time. I also feel I need to move as there is nothing remotely inspiring about living alone here in the forest, and my character compels me to more activity. Though at the same time I have to respect my burn out and try and rest as much as I can.